Question Set Number Two.

1.How much time did you spend working?
     -I spent maybe, five or so hours writing (counting all that writing I ended up not using), and then about a hour and a half to two hours rehearsing, which was all I needed to feel pretty comfortable with the script.

2. How much time did you spend thinking about the work - sort of sitting there and staring at it, or listening to it over and over again, etc.?
    -Oh man, I spent a lot of time doing this. I'd give that a good two hours. I would go home and just read it over and over and over again, or say it over and over and over again. 


3. How much time did you spend doing other stuff that seems like work to that make you think you're working but you're not?
     -I don't think a whole lot. Every once in a while I would go back to reword sentences, usually just so I felt better about the way it flowed, which isn't usually necessary until the end. But I would be in the middle of writing and have to go back on fix it. I would also stop writing and watch the Delta Spirit music video over and over again, to give me something that I was looking for, but it never really helped all that much. It kind of wasted time.
4. How much time did you spend socializing?
     -The first day I spent very little time socializing. I sat and wrote. And it worked. The second, I slacked a little, but I still got some stuff done in class and a little more at home. Third day, I worried. I frantically wrote for some of class, but for most of it I tried to keep my mind off that project. Fourth day, I buckled down, and tried to do what I wanted to do, but just realized there wasn't enough time. So then I really shut myself up and worked on plan B.


5. How did you use your community?
     -I didn't use too much community on this project. I just used Anika and Jess and constant sounding boards because I was very unsure of all of this. So whenever I would write something, or even read something, I would have them listen, and they were both extremely understanding of it all.


6. Rip apart your awful project and how did such a disaster happen?
     -This project was nowheres near what it could have been. If I got my butt into gear a bit more, I could have pulled off that video I wanted to in the beginning. But since I couldn't even get through the writing portion, there was no way I would be able to it. And it made me so disappointed in myself. It could have been so much more, there could have been so much more substance there. The monologue was not the best, and I admit to that. It was almost standard but not quite. The acting could have been a bit more if I would learn how to control my voice, and my nerves. I have to stop getting so nervous over everything.


7. You've completed a step on your path. What is your next step?
     -The next step? I want there to be more acting, in fact, I want to learn the mechanics of scripts. I remember one day last year during the intensives, the writers sat in on one of the acting classes and we did some tablework with them. I want to start learning about that, and just act more in general and not go so blindly into things anymore. That's what acting has always been for me, that sense of  "here's a script, now read". I want more than that, I want to not feel lost.

Question Set Number One.

1.You've worked on a group film and on your own. In which situation are you most comfortable - group or solo? Which do you work best in?
     -I feel extremely comfy in group situations, because I don't have to lead in them. And if you haven't noticed by now, I am no good at leading things. So when I get to work with other people and bounce ideas off them yet not have to lead, I feel at home.  However, I think I get a lot more done, and truly work better by myself. Though I'm constantly worrying about everything I do, the product almost always turns out swell.

2.What did you learn that you expected to learn?
     -I learned how to critique myself. How to actually listen to something I've written, take it in, and fix what needs to be fixed. It is slowly getting easier for me to listen to my own work, to read it over again and again, and to edit it without feeling like crap. It's not quite entirely there, but it's getting there.

3. What did you learn that you didn't expect to learn?  
     -That I have more courage than I thought I did. All of Friday, I was dreading performing. I felt sick to my stomach. I tried thinking of ways to get me out of doing it (to no avail, obviously). So as my turn slowly approached, I could feel my heart pounding  and my stomach churning. And then Jessica went, blew me away, and that was the last straw. I felt nerves quite honestly pulsating through my body, and was frantically looking for a way out of doing this. But then, it came. I had to go. So through those tears, I went. I shook it off and did it. I usually just back out of things. But there was no way to back out, so I did it. I'm glad I worked up a bit of bravery. I also learned that any kind of art is completely and utterly autobiographical. This monologue really brought that to my attention.


4.What didn't you learn that you expected to learn?
     -I didn't learn if I could pull off a bunch of solid monologues. That's really what I wanted to get from this project, to get better at writing monologues because I've never been too good at it. But I think I eked out one done well, if that counts for anything.


5. Praise your amazing achievement and explain your brilliant plan for pulling it off.
     -Oh man, I am not going to lie, I was so proud of myself for staying up there and not giving up despite all those tears. Giving up probably wasn't an option, but I didn't care. If I had to describe those for days in two words, it would be bold optimism. That's the best thing I got out of this. I kept saying to myself "I will do this, and it will be good!" while writing, while practicing, and even while performing. It's what kept me going. And man, did I go. That monologue turned out to be more heartfelt and hurtful than I had ever planned, and that certainly wasn't the way I rehearsed it. That character was supposed to be indifferent. But I am so happy with the way it turned out. Because it made me uncomfortable, I think it even made you guys uncomfortable. That's the risk I wanted to take, and I did.

Working Journal: Day Two.

What inspired me to work today?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va0ezWC2du4

That song has inspired me to keep working. Actually, it has inspired the entire project. There is just some sort of appeal to that song and video that reels me in, and makes me question the entire thing. I can't help but wonder what happens, and that's why I like it so much. I cannot get it off my mind, and I'm hoping using it as my project inspiration will help me cope with whatever is going on with the song and all my feelings towards it, because it's starting to bug me a bit.

Side note, I'm hoping to get some filming done tomorrow.

Going to keep it short for today, until tomorrow!

Working Journal: Day One.

Today was...interesting, to say the least.

I sat down to write out this video diary of sorts that I'm doing, and suddenly I was completely struck with panic. I felt that I couldn't write what I wanted to, that whatever I would put down would never be good enough to please myself, or to make someone sit and think, which is my goal while writing. But today, I was sitting in front of a computer screen typing and deleting and retyping and deleting again because I wasn't pleased. Every time I went to go back over my work, I just wanted to sit there and cry because I felt inadequate in a way I have honestly never felt, and I really hated it.

I have never been so unsure of my own writing as I was today.

Maybe it's because I know I'm going to be saying these things for you all to hear. That I am going to let you hear what I have to say, what my creative mind is thinking, and it's so frightening to me. If some of you recall from last year, whenever I would hear my plays being read, I wouldn't look at the actors. I wouldn't listen. I always felt a painful sensation inside my chest. I didn't want to hear my own words, for some reason or another. And to think that I am going to be acting out my own writing is a thing that scares me to no end.

But nonetheless,  I will do it. Come hell or high water, I am determined to get this done. And it will be good! Bold Optimism, right?

On another note, I did get a decent amount of writing done today. I might end up scraping it and redoing it again, but I still have something there to work with, which is somewhat comforting. Now that all the nerves are out, I'm thinking tomorrow will be much better. I want to get all the writing for this  done by the end of the day tomorrow, so I have some time to film and do some minimal editing.

Until tomorrow.

My Creative Past.

1. What was the first creative moment you remember?

This probably wasn't my first, but I remember when I was seven or eight and had just started playing bass clarinet. I was really excited about it, and my teacher at the time had given me a solo to work on. I wasn't the biggest fan of it, so I figured, how hard could it possibly be to write a song? So I gave it a go. It was called "Bear Dance" and it wasn't very good, but considering I was seven and knew (and still know) nothing about how to compose a piece of music, I'm impressed I got as far as I did.

2. Was there anyone there to witness it or appreciate it?

No. It was just me, alone in my room, trying to figure out how to compose. I never even showed it to my parents, but I liked it that way. I always shared everything I did with them, and this was the first time I didn't.

3.What is the best idea you've ever had?

The best idea? Probably the Come and Play with a Kitten Center. It's where there's a place (basically a giant playground built for kittens) for people to come and play with kittens. There would also be an option to adopt. It could also apply to puppies.

4. What made it great in your mind?
Though very impractical, it's a great idea because so many people can't have pets because either they don't want the troubles of a pet or someone in the family is allergic. This would be a great place for them to come and play with kittens, and then not worry about taking care of them. And if they really wanted to, they could adopt.

5. What is the dumbest idea you've ever had?
I am always thinking of really stupid things. The worst was probably the puppy parkour training center.  That would just lead to a lot of animal injuries. (Also, I seem to do a lot of thinking about what to do with  animals. I honestly don't know why.)

6. What made it stupid?
Besides the fact that I could kill a lot of dogs in the process? It would really serve no purpose. It'd just be another dumb trick your dog could do.

7.Can you connect the dots that led you this idea?
Well, I remember I was in gym class with Jessica, and we were talking about  parkour training and whatnot. Then, it just came to me. It sounded good in  my mind and then I really started developing the idea, and then realized how stupid it really was.