The Accidental Masterpiece: An Introduction.

A quick note before we dive into the post- I am very determined to keep up with my blogging this year, even if it is the death of me (and you can quote me on this!).

Now, onto The Accidental Masterpiece. There were a few main things that really stuck out to me about Kimmelman's writing:

• As silly as it may sound, Kimmelman has such a talent for writing.

           
           Michael Kimmelman has such beautiful, poignant style when it comes to writing. I mean, he must obviously be good at what he does-- after all, he writes for The New York Times--but I always think that there is a difference between pieces being well-written, and pieces being beautifully written. Kimmelman manages to do both in just the introduction of his book. I found myself feeling relaxed, and almost even comforted by not only the ideas of art he has expressed, but also by how he's expressing them. It's delightful to read gorgeous, intelligent writing that doesn't make my head spin because of its density.  He's not looking to impress, he's just looking to share his thoughts in a personable way, and I love it. It makes me want more.

• I love his idea that "creating, collection, and even just appreciating art can make living a daily masterpiece."

         
           The notion that art extends beyond being at the canvas, having the pen in hand, or being on the stage is something I've never acknowledged much. I've always thought that for something to be considered art, it must be you making it the physical product- that you must be producing something in order to have an artistic experience. But the more I've thought about the above quote, the more I've realized that I'm wrong in my thinking. I've even had little artistic experiences without being directly involved in the making in any way, shape or form. After we saw Hedwig and the Angry Inch last year, I came out of the theater moved to the point of tears. The show didn't leave my mind for weeks, and had deeply, deeply resonated with me. Who is to say that is not part of the art of the show?

• Finally, I find what Kimmelman has to say on the topic of being an amateur versus being a professional in the art world to be just wonderful.

         
           The line that stays with me most from his section on the topic is "true professionals stay amateurs at heart, keeping a lid on the cynicism and irony that can pass for sophistication in some circles." Essentially, he's saying that amateurs do what they do out of love, and professionals do it because that's what they get paid to do. But the people who keep up with what they love and have passion for, and also have the skills of a professional in the field are people who have really made it.  This part strikes me as having something to do with passion, which is something I think about on a regular basis. I'm constantly trying to evaluate where the most passion in me lies (I have a lot of love for a lot of things, and it's hard to throw myself into one thing without missing something else quite a bunch), and worrying about if I'm good enough at one thing to have the confidence to do it. The feeling I'm getting from Kimmelman, however, is to keep loving what you love and to do it at full capacity. That's something I really needed to hear, and will need to hear a few more times before it sinks in.

This introduction was excellent, and I am excited for the rest of this book.

Mike Birbiglia: My Girlfriend's Boyfriend.

Finally, a blog post! Huzzah!

A few days ago I decided to browse through the depths of Netflix,  looking for something at least halfway decent to watch to take a load off my mind for a little while. It was then I found a stand-up special titled "Mike Birbiglia: My Girlfriend's Boyfriend." I had a minimal knowledge of who Mike Birbiglia was, but knew that a blogger that I admire really likes him, so I trusted his judgement and hit play. 

It was the best decision I made that day.

In the special, Birbiglia talks about how he's managed to navigate his love life, from his first kiss to his latest romantic adventures. He manages to entangle his adamant aggression towards the institution of marriage and romantic anecdotes into the ongoing story of the first time he fell in love, and how he dealt with this, seeing as he'd never been interested in marriage while his girlfriend at the time, was. But the story wasn't what stuck with me after watching this, but the way he told it. Mike Birbiglia's delivery in this was wonderful, in the way that he could make the audience tear up from laughter in one second, and be entirely silent. He has a way of juxtaposing his funny stories with melancholy reflections on them. In some ways, he reminds me of David Sedaris and his qualities as a monologuist and the way he has complete control over the audience's emotions. 

This little hour special also made me realize that I really, really enjoy comedy. I mean, who doesn't?  But I spent the whole summer looking for genuinely hilarious things to watch, to read, to look into. I need to figure out what it is that I like so much about it, but I think for now I'm just going to continue to enjoy it throughly. If anyone has any suggestions for anything, either book wise or  video wise, I am up for it.

(Sidenote: Ira Glass produced this special for Mike Birbiglia, who has also been on his podcast "This American Life," which Luke has mentioned a few times in class. Just an interesting sidenote.)

A New Verse.

Them Heavy People: A New Verse

They took me by the wrists, and they shook me until I was free

Now I realize that I was never really myself 

Until them heavy people came along, made me take a good hard look 

I only wonder, is there a real me?

Some Plans for Q4.

A Major
     This quarter, I plan to continue studying more drama and film acting. I find it interesting and even quite challenging, so, why not? I'm relatively new to all of this acting and whatnot  so this'll probably be another quarter of exploring, with a tentative finished product at the end. I'll aspire to that, but not be devastated if I don't end up with one. An end result could possibly be a monologue or two, maybe a couple of scene from a play? There will almost definitely be some collaboration involved in this journey, considering the fact that I hate trekking through things alone, especially new things. As for community, well, I think I've lost my sense of it last quarter. I've mostly just relied on whoever my scene partner was at the time, and Luke for advice. While that is a community of some sorts, it's extremely small, and it's time to expand. The five criteria to evaluate my work by the end of this quarter will be as follows:

1. Log kept of rehearsals and my feelings, thoughts, etc. about them
2. Effective use of acting techniques
3. A scene and/or monologue that is presented at the end of the quarter
4. Having at least one book read for acting research (besides the biography) 
5. Use of at least one new acting technique (most likely more)

A Minor

     For a minor, I plan to do some work and research with music theory. It's something I've been interested in for a very long time, and I've never really had a push or some extra to really sit down throughly learn it. I've a very, very basic knowledge of this, so I'd have to start from the beginning. Hopefully this could lead to maybe some future composing, and if not, it'll help me with the musical stuff I already do. It's a win-win for me. Also, maybe start in on a little singing if that would be alright? If not, that's fine too.

A Book

     For a book, I'd really wanted to read a biography on Clifford Odets. His plays are wonderful, and I feel that if I got some insight on him, it could possibly help me when I work on his scenes, and just scenes in general. But since I can't find one of his biographies that is under 500 pages, I'm going to settle for learning a bit about Tennessee Williams (which isn't really settling at all). His plays are also lovely, and I think that getting insight into any mind of a playwright could help me with my acting (Luke, if  you'd like me to read something different, that's fine too).

Link to book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Kindness-Of-Strangers-Tennessee/dp/0306808056/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1366078456&sr=8-2&keywords=tennessee+williams+biography

Some Worries and a Workshop.

Recently, I've been having a slew of worries concerning my future. This has been going on for a while now, and I've been able to build up some defense against these looming, dark thoughts. But Saturday, that wall had blown to bits. I had an audition for NYSSSA, otherwise known as the New York State Summer School of the Arts. As most of you probably know, I'm a true orchestra geek at heart, and I spend a lot of my free time either in orchestra playing bassoon, or doing something affiliated to playing. And I had been really psyched up for this audition because I really want to go to this camp. I know it would improve my plays g by leaps and bounds, and would be a good opportunity to see what it would be like to play music professionally (after all, the repertoire for the summer is whatever the Philly orchestra is playing during their next season). Anyways, I walked into the high school where auditions were held an I felt good about everything, and felt I had a good shot. Then I walked up to the registration table. I saw there was four other bassoonists from the county auditioning.

And it all went downhill from there.

I had normal anxieties before going into the actual audition, but as soon as I got in there, it had all washed away. But then I had to start playing. And sparing you the details, even though the solo portion wasn't that bad, the rest (and majority) of the audition went anything but swimmingly. It is very, very safe for me to say I will not be attending NYSSSA this summer. This all got me thinking though. If bassoon is something that I can afford to immerse myself in. I've been questioning if I even have the skill to ever do anything with it. And that worries me, because I know I love it to the ends of the earth and back. But even further thinking got me to ask myself if I'm good enough at anything to actually pursue anything, because I simply don't feel good enough to do anything. My writing for the past few months has felt completely inadequate and not at all like it used to be, I feel it's too late to get into the acting world simply because I'd be so behind the rest of the game, and now my music skills don't feel up to par anymore. Maybe I need to center and focus myself a bit? It might be time for me to stop exploring and center myself a little, so I can get better at the things I really love. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore. The downward spiral of inadequacy and self-doubt I've been on has not been a pleasant journey. With all phases, however, I should sooner or later come out of this rut. Belly of the beast, right? Right.

On another note, the workshop today was just lovely. I feel I learned a lot just by watching Sabrina and Kadambari really dig into their own heads, and connecting their scene back to something that could feasibly happen in their own lives. After all, scripts are just words on paper for actors, and trying to put yourself into those words and into the character isn't always a successful way of creating a moving, or even good scene. You've got to feel the emotions, and not try and feel what you think the character would feel. I'm excited to go back tomorrow, and work on my monologue in the coming days. If you read all this, bless your heart.

Paranoia in B Major.

So my brother, Tommy, has been home for the past few weeks from school. Among the many things he picks on and critiques while back on the Island (he has become so opinionated, and to be frank, a total jackass at times), he finally brought up his favorite topic a few days ago: me. . I'm not sure why he does this, maybe because he thinks he's "older" and "wiser" after being in college for some time now, and has some "wisdom" to offer me about his "experiences,: but this is certainly not the case. Anyways, I had been talking to my mom about something that had to do with going to a music camp for the summer, and like he always does, he has to butt in with his two sense.

"'Music camp?' Huh, it's hardly a camp, you're working your summer away! It's more school! Don't you ever want to take a break instead of working all summer?" he spat.
"Well no, you see I'm already behind everyone else and I need to catch-"

If you know Tommy, you know it's needless to say I was not  allowed to finish my sentence. He then continued to almost yell at my mother about how I spend the summer doing this kind of stuff, so I can get myself ahead of the game and get better, and that it's appalling that I don't give myself a break, and how kids in general these days don't get a break from what they do. My mom, not even giving me a chance to butt back in replied with something about how "if she wants to do this when she grows up then now is the time to start in with the intense stuff," etc. etc.

Oh, but it did not end there. It never ends there with those two.

Now they've moved onto my future, about how if I grow up to be a musician then I can't be married  or ever have a family and I'll always be somewhere new because it's a finicky field to work in, and that I should get a stable job. Now I'm seething inside while these two bicker. I finally tell the two of them to shut it and leave the room.

In all honesty, it was too much to handle. My future, though approaching very quickly, is something I prefer not to think extensively about. So when people start talking about it, I'm already a bit on edge to begin with. But forget it when two people think they can start making decisions for me when we haven't even reached a point where I need to make those decisions. That is when I really get upset, because I've been raised in a household where I've been told I can be anything I want to be. It almost feels like my mom and brother are trying to rip that comforting blanket from under me.

Because aren't these my decisions to make? My worries and troubles to worry about? And most importantly, why can't I decide what to do with the few summers I have left? Playing and performing and singing music is something that I hold near and dear to my heart, so why not do it while I have the chance?

Because maybe I won't have the chance in the future. I think that is what is really getting to me here, what has sparked this whole post. There is something in the back of my mind, nagging me about how I'm not good enough to make a career out of any of this. That one day, practicality will win me over and I'll end up with a desk job that I don't really love. But I push through it, I keep practicing no matter what. There are going to be many sacrifices that come  with this, but I'll decide if I'm ready to make those when the time comes. And it will be me, and no one else (not even Tommy).

QuestionsQuestions: Acting Workshop Number One.

Pre-Audition Preparation

1. How did you prepare for the audition? 

-I spent any and all free moments I'd gotten throughout my Wednesday and Thursday reading through the script. Then, Thursday night I devoted a little more time to thinking about the character who she was even though I'd gotten a pretty good sense of her from the first few read throughs.

2. Did you apply any information or techniques from previous classes or experiences that was useful?

-I can't say I did apply any information or techniques to approaching this script. In fact, whenever I read a script andI don't automatically get a feel for the characters (which is a very rare occurrence), I feel like a deer in headlights and feel even overwhelmed by the whole thing at times. Auditioning for a role is still a very new concept to me, and even though I understand the basic etiquette of an audition (be polite and confident, dress nicely, never acknowledge any and all mistakes you might make, etc.) this feels different from what I've done before.

3. Did you research at all?

-I did not. I know I should have, but my head has been all over the place the past couple  of days and truthfully it didn't even occur to me until I was lying in bed on Thursday.

4. How did you approach the script?

-Well, I read it. And that really seemed to give me what I needed from it. It wasn't indecipherable, I immediately got a feel for both the characters and the scene. 

The Audition Itself

1. Recall how you think it went for you. Assess your strengths and shortcomings.

-Walking in, I was confident, and surprisingly not nervous. Nerves have become a routine part of auditions for me (so much so I might even break down a little right before or right after I walk out of the room), but this time I felt nothing. Which I'm guessing is a step in the right direction for the future. I was polite and attentive, but as soon as I started doing the read through I knew it was meek. I was meek. Something held me back. And after listening to criticism after the first time, I did as what I was told to do (which was for the most part what I wanted to walk in there and do).

2. How did you apply the information offered to you during your audition.

-I remember her saying something about picturing the guy that you really want for to come over and talk to you, but try and shrug it off a little. So there's apathy and snarky-ness at the forefront of your lines, but an undertone of excitement about this really hot guy talking to you. So, to sum that all up, you've got to bring the script back into YOUR life and YOUR experiences. Or else you won't get too far.

3. Do you think you did or didn't "get the part," and why. 

-Based on the entire audition, I'd say that I had a good shot at getting the part because even though my first read through had been weak, my second showed that I could not only apply critique to my technique, but also that there was more to me than what was hiding under the facade of the first go around.