So my brother, Tommy, has been home for the past few weeks from school. Among the many things he picks on and critiques while back on the Island (he has become so opinionated, and to be frank, a total jackass at times), he finally brought up his favorite topic a few days ago: me. . I'm not sure why he does this, maybe because he thinks he's "older" and "wiser" after being in college for some time now, and has some "wisdom" to offer me about his "experiences,: but this is certainly not the case. Anyways, I had been talking to my mom about something that had to do with going to a music camp for the summer, and like he always does, he has to butt in with his two sense.
"'Music camp?' Huh, it's hardly a camp, you're working your summer away! It's more school! Don't you ever want to take a break instead of working all summer?" he spat.
"Well no, you see I'm already behind everyone else and I need to catch-"
If you know Tommy, you know it's needless to say I was not allowed to finish my sentence. He then continued to almost yell at my mother about how I spend the summer doing this kind of stuff, so I can get myself ahead of the game and get better, and that it's appalling that I don't give myself a break, and how kids in general these days don't get a break from what they do. My mom, not even giving me a chance to butt back in replied with something about how "if she wants to do this when she grows up then now is the time to start in with the intense stuff," etc. etc.
Oh, but it did not end there. It never ends there with those two.
Now they've moved onto my future, about how if I grow up to be a musician then I can't be married or ever have a family and I'll always be somewhere new because it's a finicky field to work in, and that I should get a stable job. Now I'm seething inside while these two bicker. I finally tell the two of them to shut it and leave the room.
In all honesty, it was too much to handle. My future, though approaching very quickly, is something I prefer not to think extensively about. So when people start talking about it, I'm already a bit on edge to begin with. But forget it when two people think they can start making decisions for me when we haven't even reached a point where I need to make those decisions. That is when I really get upset, because I've been raised in a household where I've been told I can be anything I want to be. It almost feels like my mom and brother are trying to rip that comforting blanket from under me.
Because aren't these my decisions to make? My worries and troubles to worry about? And most importantly, why can't I decide what to do with the few summers I have left? Playing and performing and singing music is something that I hold near and dear to my heart, so why not do it while I have the chance?
Because maybe I won't have the chance in the future. I think that is what is really getting to me here, what has sparked this whole post. There is something in the back of my mind, nagging me about how I'm not good enough to make a career out of any of this. That one day, practicality will win me over and I'll end up with a desk job that I don't really love. But I push through it, I keep practicing no matter what. There are going to be many sacrifices that come with this, but I'll decide if I'm ready to make those when the time comes. And it will be me, and no one else (not even Tommy).
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