Question Set Number One.

1.You've worked on a group film and on your own. In which situation are you most comfortable - group or solo? Which do you work best in?
     -I feel extremely comfy in group situations, because I don't have to lead in them. And if you haven't noticed by now, I am no good at leading things. So when I get to work with other people and bounce ideas off them yet not have to lead, I feel at home.  However, I think I get a lot more done, and truly work better by myself. Though I'm constantly worrying about everything I do, the product almost always turns out swell.

2.What did you learn that you expected to learn?
     -I learned how to critique myself. How to actually listen to something I've written, take it in, and fix what needs to be fixed. It is slowly getting easier for me to listen to my own work, to read it over again and again, and to edit it without feeling like crap. It's not quite entirely there, but it's getting there.

3. What did you learn that you didn't expect to learn?  
     -That I have more courage than I thought I did. All of Friday, I was dreading performing. I felt sick to my stomach. I tried thinking of ways to get me out of doing it (to no avail, obviously). So as my turn slowly approached, I could feel my heart pounding  and my stomach churning. And then Jessica went, blew me away, and that was the last straw. I felt nerves quite honestly pulsating through my body, and was frantically looking for a way out of doing this. But then, it came. I had to go. So through those tears, I went. I shook it off and did it. I usually just back out of things. But there was no way to back out, so I did it. I'm glad I worked up a bit of bravery. I also learned that any kind of art is completely and utterly autobiographical. This monologue really brought that to my attention.


4.What didn't you learn that you expected to learn?
     -I didn't learn if I could pull off a bunch of solid monologues. That's really what I wanted to get from this project, to get better at writing monologues because I've never been too good at it. But I think I eked out one done well, if that counts for anything.


5. Praise your amazing achievement and explain your brilliant plan for pulling it off.
     -Oh man, I am not going to lie, I was so proud of myself for staying up there and not giving up despite all those tears. Giving up probably wasn't an option, but I didn't care. If I had to describe those for days in two words, it would be bold optimism. That's the best thing I got out of this. I kept saying to myself "I will do this, and it will be good!" while writing, while practicing, and even while performing. It's what kept me going. And man, did I go. That monologue turned out to be more heartfelt and hurtful than I had ever planned, and that certainly wasn't the way I rehearsed it. That character was supposed to be indifferent. But I am so happy with the way it turned out. Because it made me uncomfortable, I think it even made you guys uncomfortable. That's the risk I wanted to take, and I did.